I recently asked a friend how a date she had gone on went.
“It was fine.”
Fine. I could write a thesis on the word Fine. Because we all say it, but what does it actually mean?
Fine is what you say when your boyfriend or mom or friend asks if everything is okay, and everything is clearly not OK. When they’re supposed to read between the lines and realize that something is clearly off.
So what does fine mean when I say it after date number one. Or date number 2?
When I first started dating, someone gave me the following advice: Date him till you like him or you hate him.
And so, perhaps maybe that’s where fine comes in. It’s a weird neutral zone. This in between land where you know you’re with someone who’s clearly smart or funny or attractive, someone you should like, but something just isn’t necessarily clicking. For me, the thing that’s lacking, is usually some sort of chemistry. I’m not bored, but I’m not going to go home and wait for his text.
I’m a decisive person. I’m usually very clear on how I feel. I know when I’m feeling something, and I know when I’m not. I’ve dated enough guys to know when fine is code for bad.
But then sometimes a small part of my brain worries, am I putting too much stock in chemistry? Too much faith that I’ll just know. That I’ll feel as excited as I think I’ll be when I’m with someone I truly want to be with. And so I say the date was “fine”. Because those worries get jumbled with the outside noises, and a small part of me worries that maybe I don’t know as much as I think I know.
You see, the problem with dating is that everyone has an opinion, and everyone’s love story has a different origin. Some people felt fireworks from day one, and some people needed to grow into it. But regardless, I sometimes find that people forget that everyone is different. And sometimes what worked for you, won’t work for me. And yet-everyone loves to share, and give their advice. And that is when I sometimes start doubting myself, and I think that is why I resort to “fine.” Because I start to worry, maybe other people are right, maybe fine- aka neutral is good?
I’m pretty confident that I will not end up with a date I deemed “fine” from the start, despite what anyone wants to tell me. (And if I do-you can reference this blog all you want, and make fun of me forever). I’m a strong believer in my gut. But it’s hard to know if you’re gut is right if you’re still on a journey. Sometimes it’s hard to stay confident when every so often people question your choices.
And so, I think I resort to fine, because it’s become a sort of code. “He’s great but…”
And who knows if I’m making the right choices? But does anyone know anything for sure? We’re all really just winging it, hoping for the best, and so for now, I think I need to just trust my gut, because when it comes down to it, deep down, I really do trust myself. I trust that I know when things are better than “fine.” And I trust when I know things are just “fine.” I don’t need to be convinced of how I feel. I’m pretty sure I already know.
So how am I doing?
I’m fine! Thanks for asking. Jokes. I’m great. :).