Was I Your Worst First Date?

I’m 98% sure he showed up high. Which I guess would’ve been fine, if he’d brought some to share. (kidding @mom). He asked me if I’d ever been promoted or gotten a raise while at my current job. And when I told him I was tired (because I clearly wanted to leave), he suggested I take a nap on the park bench where we were sitting. During the date. Like a homeless person. I lived 2 blocks away.

We all have them. Bad date stories. The ones that makes you look back and think what the actual hell. Was that real? Why did I sit through that? Why didn’t I just get up and leave?

Some make you laugh. Like that one. And others make you want to curl into a ball and cry, because you think, this is it? These are my options? (I guess also like that one).

But then, when you’re sitting on your couch late at night exchanging horror stories with your friends about the guy who won’t stop calling you after you told him not to contact you ever again, or the guy who ordered food for you at the restaurant without even knowing if you have allergies or opinions, or the one who asked you how much money you make on the first date, or the one who literally did not speak the entire date, you start to wonder, was I ever that person? Was I someone’s terrible date? Because deep down you know you have to be. It’s just impossible that some guy didn’t get home and tell his friends about the super weird thing you did or said. Isn’t that like statistics or something? (NO WAY I didn’t do something weird. NOT A CHANCE).

And so it gets me thinking. Like deep dive thinking. What did I do? What did I say? Was it an outfit I wore? Something I ordered? A question I asked? Was I too forward? Too pushy? Someone is referencing me when that worst date ice breaker comes up at a meal, and I’m dying to know who it is. I know I’m playing with fire. This might be a TERRIBLE idea. Like I might be crying tomorrow. But I just really want to know.

I mean, you don’t need to post it in the comments section or anything (although I wouldn’t fault you if you did). A simple DM or text would suffice. If I’m feeling confident enough, I’ll share it with everyone here. But like, I’m racking my brain, and I know I’ve done weird stuff. I’ve given unsolicited advice. I’ve laid out my cards probably wayyy too early. I’ve been on such boring dates that I blame on the guy, but maybe it’s me! Like maybe I’m the boring one! OMG am I boring?? I’m sure I wore outfits that guys were thinking umm WHAT? Why are you wearing that? Was it my sarcasm? Did you think I was one of those girls who thinks she’s funny, but is super unfunny? Was there something on my face or in my teeth the whole date? (I mean, honestly that’s on you because you should always tell someone when they have something on their face or in their teeth, but still). Was my skirt tucked into my tights? Did I smell weird? Did you hate that I offered to pay, and you could tell it was an empty offer? Did you spend your life savings on our date, and then I crushed your heart? WHAT WAS IT??

Now that I got this in my head, I need to know. Like I must. Seriously. This is not a joke. I know it’s a horrible idea, but I’m in too deep, and I can’t get out, and I’m drowning in my own self destructive curiosity, so someone, anyone-send me a life jacket and tell me. Please.


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