Dear Skirts and Kicks, (editor’s note: OK fine–he didn’t write “Dear Skirts and Kicks”, but I couldn’t resist adding it—it’s more fun this way).
I was just going through my contacts looking for a number, and I came across a bunch of girls I went on just one date with. Today’s question(s) is do you delete numbers after the possible relationship is donzo? And or do you not save numbers unless you’re actually dating?
To Save or Not to Save (OMG fine, he didn’t sign the question either–sue me)
Dear To Save or Not to Save,
I’m going to tackle part two of this question before part one. I used to be very weird about saving numbers. When I first started dating I had this weird fear of getting too vulnerable and too personal too quickly. I was very guarded. Which is nice in theory- (I guess I was playing a strong hard to get game you could say?) – but kind of ridiculous when you think about it. It made me do weird things. Like I wouldn’t use my friends names when I spoke about them. (I know-ODD). Especially considering half the time we had mutual friends- and it would have been a very easy way to find a point of connection. Another weird thing? I never saved guys’ numbers when they first called or texted. Why? Because it felt like commitment. If I saved his number- I thought it meant something. I thought by committing his name to my phone, I was telling myself, my phone, and who else even knows? that I was interested in him. That this guy mattered. That I saw potential. This was silly for numerous reasons. One- I spent way too long texting and calling a string of numbers I didn’t recognize, which is just impractical and confusing. But mostly it messed with my psyche more than anything else. Because then the question became- when do I save his number? After date one? After date 4? Once he’s my boyfriend? And all of a sudden deciding when to save the number became an intensely more anxiety inducing decision than if I had just saved it when he first made contact.
When I look back at those days I laugh, because what the hell was I doing? Saving people’s numbers is what normal humans do. Why do we become crazy people when we date? All it means is that when the text pops up on your screen you want to know who it’s from. That’s not commitment- that’s being practical.
So what if we go out once and never speak again? Is his number really taking up so much iCloud space in my phone that I’ll never be able to store another number again? Will he see my phone on the date and be like woahhhhhh- you saved my number? You must LOVE me! No. And if he does, run away, because he sounds weird and very unready to be in a relationship.
I already know your next question-so no need to ask. What about dating apps? What happens when I don’t know his/ her last name, because we matched on an app. Do I just save it as Josh or Sarah from Jswipe? NO. Absolutely not. If you agree to go on a date with someone from an app, you better figure out their last name first. (Fun fact–Hinge gives you a person’s last name when you match). DO NOT go on dates with first names only. That cannot be safe on any level. It may seem challenging to figure out who “Just Jewish/ Kosher David” is, but let me tell you, it’s pretty freaking easy. If you have trouble with this, send me a DM, with his profile, one fact he told you about himself, and give me 10 minutes on Facebook, and I’ll get you a last name, place of employment, and a list of his family members. And on the off chance the person is some weird social media ghost, ASK THEM THEIR LAST NAME. This isn’t weird. This is safety. Don’t go on dates with strangers. Remember when your parents said not to take candy from strangers? Ya, don’t take or offer drinks from/ to them either. So now you have a last name, do some stalking, and THEN save their number like a normal person! You know, because that’s what people do when they communicate with people they plan to meet. They save their numbers.
Think practically. Even if you end it after one date, who knows when you’ll need to contact this person again? What if you decide two years down the line that you want to date them again? Or that they would be perfect for your friend? Or that you guys should form a business partnership or something? Or that they’re super famous or super connected and your kid needs an internship hookup at their company. You never know where life will take you. Save the number!
Which brings me right back to question one. Don’t delete the number!! You may need it one day! CHILL OUT. You’re taking this too seriously. It’s not taking up space in your phone, despite what Apple tells you. So, who cares?
There is only one exception to this rule. And that is if he/ she is that person. You know who I’m talking about. That person is the one you dated super seriously, the one who broke your heart and crushed your soul, and makes you want to call him/ her any time you have too much to drink or go on a bad date or feel super sad or extra happy. He/ she’s your kryptonite. Your toxic ex who you SHOULD NOT be contacting. The one who your friends all hate and check to make sure you are not texting when they see you sneaking off into a corner with your phone. The one who is preventing you from moving on. I’m not an expert- but in my non expert opinion that’s probably the ONLY person you can and should delete. No, you won’t need to contact them again. And if you do, you’ll find a way, I promise. Do yourself a favor. Cut ties. Delete. Unfollow. Unfriend. Stop stalking his/ her life. It’s not helping you. I promise. You’re not winning the breakup by proving you can watch his/ her Insta stories casually. Because we all know it’s not casual. You’re crying in your bed with your best friend, who refuses to let you have your phone back until you delete the drafted text you’ve already penned to said ex.
But other than that-my vote is: save it immediately, and then forget it’s there, until you maybe need it one day. Don’t over think this. You’re already overthinking way too many other things about your dating life.