It’s been over two weeks since I posted a blog, which for me is a long time. And to be honest, I’ve been feeling kind of stuck. Unsure of what I want to write. I guess you could call it writer’s block, although it feels deeper than that.
This website started as something very personal. A place where I was writing personal essays, a place where I wanted to challenge myself to be writing on a consistent basis. But as the Skirts and Kicks Instagram shifted to something that is much more public and much more like a community, the blog has moved with it. And in a weird way, what was once my personal blog, feels a lot more like a community blog. The opinions I share on this website are still my own, it’s just that many posts are informed by conversations that take place with followers. My essays are MUCH less personal. I guess, well to me, the recent posts on this site have a very different feel from the ones at the bottom of the homepage. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing–it just sort of is.
It happened as a natural progression. Some people who follow the blog don’t have Instagram-so it was a way to keep everyone in the loop. But it also happened somewhat intentionally. As this blog and community gets bigger, I find I am distancing myself from the blog in some ways. Skirts and Kicks is my passion project, but it also comes with its challenges. I’ve learned that many people don’t actually fully read what I write, or if they do, they read things differently than how I meant to write them. I’ve learned that although I remind people on a constant basis that I simply moderate the Instagram, and the opinions are NOT mine (only opinions on this website are mine), unless otherwise stated, and the questions on the Instagram now come from FOLLOWERS, people still assume all opinions on the Instagram are mine, and question topics are mine. And so, even with all of the amazing feedback I get from people, sometimes someone will say something to me that makes me take a step back and wonder, “what impression am I giving off to people?” “If hundreds of people who don’t know me are reading this, and interpreting it this way, what does that mean for me as an individual?”
And of course, I think letting other people’s opinions govern your life is silly, BUT, to me it’s important that I am portraying who I really am. Because I actually really like who I am :).
So that brings me back to the writer’s block. What do I want to write about? How personal do I want to get? How is my writing perceived by my followers? How is it perceived by the guys I date? How are my opinions picked apart and dissected? What do people actually want to read? What do I actually want to share?
I know I will never satisfy everyone. That’s not the goal. But I guess I’m trying to figure out my place as a writer within the space of all my relationships as this community grows. And I’m not sure I’ve figured it out yet, so I guess just bear with me. 🙂