SKquaranDATES: Making Exponential Growth Sexy

“Exponential Growth.” As someone who hated math all of her life, I’m not going to lie, these words never sat well with me. But obviously, in recent weeks, the phrase has taken a whole new spin, catapulting straight to the top of the list of words that make everyone wish March 2020 never happened. But I think the phrase is getting a bad rep. It needs a new angle. So I’m flipping it on its head.

Yesterday on the Instagram, the topic was: Are you DFH? (Dating From Home). And only 33% of people said they are. Which seems pretty low. The reasons for why people aren’t DFH varied. Long distance type dating is hard. Finding a date is hard. Not touching is hard. Being in a quarantine funk is hard. They’re currently in a committed relationship (A+ reason not to date other people, but you can still date your partner). The list goes on. (Check out instagram for more.)

But after weeks of Quarantine here in New York (AND EVERYWHERE ELSE), and very little information on when life will actually return back to normal, it kind of begs the question. How long are we going to be stuck indoors? And at what point do we need to adjust to this new normal, and just well, embrace it?

In the past people have told me to set up my followers. And trust me. I have tried. But it’s capital H, HARD. And not just because setting people up is hard, but also because my platform creates a few challenges.

For one, @skirtsandkicks is anonymous. Even if I think I know you well from answers, I also work to keep people’s identities anonymous. Which means I don’t usually ask people for personal information, like age, name, gender, sexual preference, if you are single etc. So maneuvering between trying to find out personal information on people, sharing that with others, but also keeping your secrets a secret, is CHALLENGING. Then there’s the pool. I have way more female followers than male followers, which (PLEASE, I don’t want your comments about the Shidduch Crisis, I just don’t), makes things even harder. Then you add the fact that a bunch of my followers are in relationships, or live in completely different locations, and I start to need spreadsheets (I HATE spreadsheets).

So periodically I tell you to scroll through my followers, check people out, and slide into each other’s DM’s, to take the pressure off myself. But it’s hard. Not just because sliding is hard, but because of the above reasons.

But here’s the thing. Sliding is also fun. I promise. Like don’t pretend like you don’t want someone cute to start flirting with you. Assuming everyone involved is down. (AND people can actually just be themselves….unless your normal self is creepy. Then DO NOT be yourself). And long distance is stupid when everyone is long distance. She lives in London and you’re on the UWS? Who cares? Deal with that in 6 months, when hopefully we’re out of quarantine. EVERYONE RELAX.

So welcome to @SKquaranDates. The rules are simple. 

The instagram account is private. This is so only people following the account can see who’s following.

Here’s how it works:

  1. Request to follow @SKquaranDates on instagram if you are SINGLE
  2. Make your instagram profile public. (I know, it’s annoying). But this is important. For many reasons. 1. I would like to make sure you’re not married, in a relationship etc. 2. People probably want to stalk you before sliding into your DM’s. 3. Got to make it simple for people to actually send you a message!
  3. Scroll through the followers (note the account JUST started last night, so be patient, it’s growing, more people are coming, I feel it).
  4. Slide into someone’s (or a few people’s?) DM’s and say “hey!” (or whatever you want) BUT whatever you do….
  6. Stay Home. This one is the most important rule. Flirt, text, call, Zoom, FaceTime all you want. You don’t need to report back to me–I’m not your mom (although like-I guess it would be cool to know if you’re hitting it off with someone). BUT if you leave your home to meet someone for a face to face date YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON EVER. I’m not kidding. I’m blocking you. YOU DON’T DESERVE LOVE. LIGIT. And if you by chance find it on this account, you better not tell people that’s how you found love, because I want nothing to do with that.
  7. Share the page with your single friends. Now here is where that exponential growth that we spoke about at the beginning comes back into play. We’re turning exponential growth on its head. Exponential growth is now sexy. You’re welcome. Because every time you share @SKquaranDATES with people, you are growing the platform exponentially!! Which means more POTENTIAL people to DM! HOT. I know. Math is cool (sort of).

Ok. I think we just about covered everything for now. Except, I’ll just say: No, I’m not a shadchan (I don’t know that I’m very good at that). This is literally just a way for you to shoot your shot. Slide into people’s DM’s without it being weird. The ball is in your court. STAY HOME. Be Safe. STAY HOME. Stay Healthy. STAY HOME. Have fun. STAY HOME.



*Right now the account is focused on straight relationships–I know–I’m sorry–I’m doing this because currently an overwhelming majority of my followers are straight based on a recent poll, and I’m trying to make the process as uncomplicated as possible. Open to feedback and reevaluating if this works.

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